Cross-Cultural Romance: Is it Worth It?

Meet Teratai—who answers the question in this Valentine’s season: “Cross-Cultural Romance: Is it Worth It?”

Introduction: I first met Ms. Teratai Hiep two years ago. It was through an online forum for trainers and coaches who help clients transition into new and unfamiliar cultural settings. She is an intercultural and English language trainer based in the Netherlands and runs her own practice at Prokompas Coaching & Training. She is also a genuinely compassionate person who passed on a particularly wise and helpful poem to me on a day she correctly sensed I might need it.
 
Originally from Singapore, Teratai loves tasting new cuisines, experiencing different cultures, and especially, listening to the stories of others. You can tune into her “At The Crossroads” podcast with Dr Leslie Ahmadi, when she interviewed me on my experience of moving to Iran for cross-cultural love!
 
But Teratai is also married to someone from a different country and culture! As today’s guest blogger, she was kind enough to write today’s special Valentine edition blogpost on the intriguing question: “Cross-cultural romance: Is it worth it?”  Drawing from her own experience, Teratai offers food for thought to anyone contemplating a cross-cultural romance—or who knows somebody who is. I encourage you to read her reflections below!

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Here is what Teratai has to say:
(Note: If you would like to respond to Teratai’s post, please enter your comments at the end of the post below)
 
As Valentine’s Day takes center stage again this February, I remember the many couples across the world who are in love interculturally—and are also enduring a long distance between them. I was one such person. 
 
After seven years of enduring a long-distance relationship, I remember how difficult the holidays were. I spent hours online, facing a 14-inch laptop screen with my loved one on the other side. My partner (whom I am proud to call my husband today) was in the Netherlands, and I was in Singapore. Divided not only by time (six to seven hours difference) and distance (6,500 miles) we faced other potential dividers as well, e. g.:
 
I was East Asian, and he was Western,
I was Malay, and he was Dutch,
I was a big-city girl, and he a small-village boy, 
and so many other differences as well!
 
We always managed to navigate through the differences together, though. One Valentine’s Day, we made cookies on Skype together—both in our own kitchens, following the same recipe, I at my lunch time and he at his dinner time. Busying our hands with cookie dough, we laughed while shaping our cookies. But in our minds we were constantly yearning to share the same physical space. 
 
So, the question, “When marrying across differences, will love be enough?” remains a tough one for me.
 
We have been together since 2010. And in 2017 we finally succeeded in my making the move to my new home country of the Netherlands. And now in 2024, as I write to you from my office in Leiden, my fingers tap heavily on the keyboard because of the gravity of this question. 
 
I can be super optimistic and tell you love is enough! But in sharing the timeline of our relationship just now, I feel it doesn’t convey enough all the times we planned and yet failed to come together over the years. Or the effort behind learning and accepting each other’s cultures and traditions and the many mistakes we made. Or the patience and kindness it took for each of us to let go of the what-could-have-been-if-I-had-pursued-my-career instead of choosing intercultural love. And all the above could be just the tip of the iceberg for some couples who could be facing many other considerations too.
 
But has it been worth it? My fingers feel lighter now – yes, it has been worth it for me. It can be painful in the short term, but as I look back on the years, it has been a beautiful journey. And I am sure it will remain beautiful as the years roll in and new chapters open for us. But we must acknowledge that there will always be sacrifices involved as part of the growing.
 
For me, that meant not seeing my family and close friends back in Singapore as much as I would have liked. A close family member died some weeks back, and despite rushing to the airport and catching the next direct 13-hour flight to Singapore, I still missed the burial. It’s a wound that is still mending, but I accept it as a consequence of choices I have made. Marrying across differences requires consistency, patience, kindness from each other—and, despite how boring it sounds, meticulous planning too. I count my lucky stars that my husband has been a rock-solid addition to my life.
 
So, I send my love and best wishes to all the couples out there, as well as to family and friends of someone who is going through such an experience on this Valentine’s. Please be kind to them during this period of their lives. Intercultural love and long-distance relationships can be difficult, but they can also be beautiful. And I hope at the end of it all, yours will be as worthwhile for you as it is for me. 
 
Sincerely,
Teratai Hiep

Note: Special thanks to Teratai for her wonderful post! If you would like to find out more about her, you can read her blog or follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

AND NOW, A REMINDER FROM LAST MONTH’S NEWSLETTER: HOW TO ENTER TO WIN A UNIBROW LADY WALL HANGINGS FROM IRAN FOR BOTH YOU AND A FRIEND/COLLEAGUE
(Drawing on March 1)

Persian Khatoon Wall Hanging #1

Persian Khatoon Wall hanging #2

                                        [both made of wood and tile]
So, here are the steps on how to enter yourself and your friend in the “Unibrow Lady” Wall Hangings Giveaway (See below):

1. Invite a friend or colleague who might be interested in my website and related content to visit my website and sign up for my monthly newsletter.
   
2. If your friend/colleague agrees to consider it, direct them to my website at http://leslieahmadi.com, and ask them to subscribe (within 48 hours if possible) for a chance to win the Unibrow Lady—that is, one of the wall hangings that are pictured above. Actually, the prize will be one wall hanging for each of you!
   
3. Next, please do the following (yourself): Write to [email protected] to notify me of your friend’s or colleague’s intention to subscribe. How?

• In the subject heading of the email, write “Unibrow Lady.”
  
• And in the body of the email, simply type in the first and last name of your friend/colleague, plus the email address they will be signing up under, then finally…
  
• Under your friend/colleague’s name and email address, type in your own first and last name, plus your own email address.         
  
• Now hit the “Send” Button—and Voilà! I will have the contact information of both you and your friend/colleague.

4.     Once I verify that your friend/colleague has signed up for my monthly newsletter, I will place the names of you and your colleague jointly in a special jar for a chance to be pulled in a drawing on Friday, March 1. And if your names are drawn (results will be announced on Monday, March 4), each of you will win one of the wall-hangings displayed above of the charming Khatoon, or Unibrow Lady! (I will contact you both for your mailing addresses)
                  I hope you and your colleague(s) will choose to participate!
                                                            ***

                  As always, Kheilee mamnoon! (i.e., “Thank you!” in Persian),
 
FINALLY—A HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY TO ALL:
INCLUDING SWEETHEARTS, BELOVED FRIENDS, CHERISHED FAMILY MEMBERS, AND EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON!
 
Leslie Powell Ahmadi